


remnants of a broken dream

by zostir



Category: Blue Lock (Manga)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), First Kiss, Future Fic, Living Together, M/M, POV Second Person, canon-typical violent metaphors, half "im not crushing on him", half established relationship, set after Blue Lock's last selection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:13:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25672615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zostir/pseuds/zostir
Summary: Time has stopped - for the both of you. You progress in a space separated from the rest of the world, sharpening your weapons with no goal in mind. There's no opponent for you outside of this small town and no friend or relative to rely on.After Rin and Isagi were thrown out of Blue Lock, they became roommates.
Relationships: Isagi Yoichi/Itoshi Rin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49





	remnants of a broken dream

**Author's Note:**

> hi i hate blue lock for ruining my feelings and giving me a fic idea  
> for context: alternate possible ending where bachira is selected as the best striker (bc why not the boy deserves it)

Not long after leaving Blue Lock, Rin and you decided to rent a house together.

The fact that you would be rooming with Rin didn't surprise anyone. Nagi said it was a given after watching you two on a field. Reo lent you a truck for the move (for free) and Kunigami helped you with the heaviest pieces of furniture. Many others came to celebrate: Higiri, Baro, Shido, the rest of Team Z and even Aryu and Tokimitsu were there. The only missing was Bachira, but that was to be expected. He was too busy to look behind.

No, the real surprise was that you decided to leave the city and your family behind. You have chosen to live in a small town in the countryside, in an old house that belongs to a former farmer who is now living in the city with his son and his daughter-in-law. Compared to the tiny and overpriced flats of Tokyo, the house feels like a palace. With its net of _fusuma_ , the renovated _tatami_ and the large garden full of flowers and bushes, it's a comfortable and quiet place. There are two floors, but you don't have many belongings, so you live only on the first.

It was Rin who suggested moving so far away, and even now you still don't understand his motives very well. Not that you try to guess them. There are mysteries that should remain unsolved. You agreed to his suggestion, trying not to show how unsurprised you were that he wanted to live with you.

Every morning, when you open the door leading to the kitchen, you're welcomed by the same sight: Itoshi Rin, former forward and the most formidable opponent you had to face in Blue Lock, raising his head with a half-smile on his face, mumbling, _good morning_ , and then focusing his attention on the food again. Your part is there too, on the other side of the table, in front of what has become your chair, and you sit down after you greet him back.

Rin's breakfasts are frugal: rice, a few vegetables, a portion of _natto_ (after eating so much _natto_ in the training facility you don't think you will spend a day without eating it ever again, it's ingrained in you) and sometimes — not today — eggs. You thank him for the food; he doesn't show any sign that he heard you. Somehow, your part is always warm, and you think he's waiting for the moment he hears you move to turn off the heat and dress the table. He's considerate in a silent way, and you know better than to confront him for that.

When you were living with your parents, the first meal of the day was the noisiest. They were chatting happily and you didn't listen, because you were a teen and teenagers aren't interested in adults' topics of discussion. Things like weather ( _do you think we can plant the seeds now?)_ , work ( _one of the customers was so rude, Rin, it was hard keeping my calm_ ) or the neighbours' children ( _Hana-chan got a cat for her birthday, I want to see him_ ) are now the essence of your daily discussions. And Rin talks, too, although not as much as you do. Still, when you say something, he replies, and he even asks you questions showing he's seriously listening.

He has no reason to ignore you anymore.

  
  


*

  
  


At the end of the day, you find him at the back of the garden, body wrapped in his plaid, looking up at the sky. In the city, the stars are drowned out by the lights of the street lamps, but here they shine with no rivals other than themselves. So you understand why he's here; you remember the time when you had to leave Blue Lock, the taste of defeat still heavy on your tongue, and you raised the eyes to the monotony of the urban night sky. This wasn't an incredible sight, only jet black ripped by spots of lights, but to your hollow heart, it was a healing sight.

You join him in complete silence, sitting down in a swift move that doesn't even make a noise. He's not looking at you, doesn't even seem to register your presence, but you know him well. You're not in his blind spot and he's aware of your company. He only chose to ignore, but that's fine. Tonight, you don't care about him either: you want to stargaze.

Each of these lights is a small star that fail to be the brightest in the sky. None of them can outshine the others; only the sun can achieve this feat, and it's only when he goes to sleep that the others show themselves. They're a bunch of weaklings, you think, trying their best to exist under the protection of the night, as they lack the strength to reign over the day.

Rin says, "Why aren't you in bed?" but you know the answer doesn't matter to him. It's his way to tell you that you're a nuisance, in a more roundabout way than he used to, because two things changed. First: he's not the best anymore. Second —

You don't look at him when you say, "Can't you guess?"

You feel him move next to you, the hem of his pyjama sleeve brushing against the back of your hand. Although he doesn't touch you, you can feel his breath close to your neck. "You're predictable," he retorts, but there's no venom in his voice. "You came because I was up here."

Yes, and no. "You climbed because I made you crave the stars," you claim, as if you could control him that easily, as if Rin was a puppet whose strings were in your hands.

His face is submerged in darkness, but if any of those stars had the strength to chase the shade away, you believe you'd see the ghost of a smile on his lips. "No, I don't think you won this round, Isagi. You can try, but you'll always be one step behind me."

Now it's your turn to smile. A blast of wind catches up his hair, bringing the scent of his freshly-washed hair to your nose; you use the same shampoo, but it always smells better on him. There are fights you can't win against him, and others where you leave him behind. "Try to guess my next move, then."

You can see the gears turning in his head, even in the dark; his neck bends slightly, and you know he's looking at you, now, you and not any of the stars that fascinated a few seconds ago.

"You'll do nothing," he says, which is the correct answer.

 _Yes_ , you think, _but I want to kiss you._ How easy it would be, now, to just lean in and drop the hint of a kiss on his mouth. At this point, you think he won't likely move away; he wants it as much as you do, for this is the reason he wanted you outside with him, and he's so close to you now that his whole presence is embracing you like a perfume. But no; you could, perhaps, play your whole career on luck, but somehow you can't do that with him.

You're not an egoist anymore; you do not wish to build a future for yourself alone. And so you can't take the chance for happiness, even though it hangs right in front of you.

Neither does Rin.

  
  


*

  
  


Rin will turn the TV off whenever something related to soccer is airing. At first, you found the reaction strange; he snatches up the remote with the same velocity he had when he tries to score, even if you're sitting in front of the TV and enjoying a show. But you let him do it, anyway. This is his way of turning the page: by ignoring other people are living his dream right now, because his talent was crushed by the harsh reality of Blue Lock.

You tend to avoid watching matches, too, as watching Bachira evolving on the field, at the place where either you or Rin could be — but not both of you, you remember, there was only one place to begin with — is rather painful. However, you don't mind interviews or news. For sure, you feel your chest burn hot whenever a striker talks, and your knuckles tighten and your sight blurs, but. This is your fault, as you remind yourself, for not being to overcome the monster in the end. For letting him devour you, leaving you all bones and no flesh, a broken silhouette kneeling behind the victor. Your weakness is your sin, and you'll spend your own life atoning for it. What you didn't expect, however, was that Rin would atone alongside you.

Almost hand to hand — not quite, for he never lets his fingers do more than graze you, and you know better than to reach him.

Today, the other Itoshi brother is in the spotlight again. He looks like Rin, and you find it amusing to compare them; the same nose, the same mouth, the same bored eyes. Sae looks at the camera the way Rin looked at you, with this absolute confidence that had you gape the first time you were stared down. But you think Rin's gaze has changed, now, although you're not sure of how. Is it because of his defeat, the ultimate loss that made him bend and become more lenient towards other people? Or is it because it's _you_?

You find them beautiful. They're the most beautiful people you're ever set your eyes on, those brothers; you wonder why you didn't notice sooner.

You hear a soft creasing, and when you turn your head Rin stands behind you, staring at the screen with a blank expression on his face. Stunning, that's the word to describe him. He's a work of art, with his delicate eyelashes and the thin line of his lips. You also know that, under those clothes, the pattern of muscles haven't changed a bit; he still trains, keeping his body in topnotch condition even though he won't ever evolve on the world stage.

Rin doesn't make a move towards the remote. His eyes are glued to his brother. This is a part of Rin that you don't know very well; he doesn't hate Sae, that's all you know, and you'd understand this fierce rivalry if it was born inside the walls of Blue Lock, but it comes from much earlier in their life. You kind of get it, though: Rin had always been ahead of you, following the path of an egocentric long before you considered it a possibility. You want to ask, _who did you crush? whose blood did you taste for you to become such a monster?_ but you don't. You know how lonely the path is, and this was a loneliness you were all ready to embrace. You were all monsters, after all.

You never wished to have him standing beside you, looking at the same screen as you, his heart filled with the same regret as yours.

Yet here you are, and you can't help but observe him, can't help but wonder what he hides in his mind. There are things he never tells you, but you guess them anyway; yet there are still a few moments when you can't predict him. Rin, too, cannot predict all of your moves.

"Good for him," he finally says, and he cracks a smile you didn't expect. You can't really read him, so you're not sure if he's really happy for his brother or just giving up on his rivalry.

  
  


*

  
  


But, here's the thing: you were never forbidden to set your foot on a ball again.

And this is the reason why Rin and you paired up in the first place: because you can play your best football if the other is around. That's what he told you when he suggested you should live together. He said, _if I'm with you, then I can still be a striker_. To which you replied: _Are you finally recognising me as your equal?_

To this day, the reason you like him is because he said, _no, you're my stepping stone_ , with a weird smile that you never saw before. And you know, although you weren't sure of why, that this was his way of saying yes. So you said yes to his proposal, too. Your heart was thumping in your chest as fast as it did during a match. This wasn't surprising: the prospect of experiencing these feelings again was like a shot of adrenaline in your veins. Rin was like a soulmate, the only person that could understand you and give you exactly what you want.

So you still play: only the two of you, in front of the only goal the town has to offer, under the admirative gaze of the other inhabitants who only understand that you're good. You could have picked a place with better equipment, but it was Rin who chose to run away; besides, you don't need much more. The wind blows hard in this area, which is another factor you have to take into account; the ground is irregular and you have to be careful not to trip. However, you can both give the best of yourself, even in this situation: if you couldn't, you wouldn't have tried to be the best striker in the world in the first place. Blue Lock has taught you one formula: the way to better your skills can only be achieved through rough training and sheer determination. You have hit rock bottom, you have lost comfort and contact to the real world for the sole purpose of finding your weapon. You can fight against the wind and the ground, and any other elements if needed — you will play under the rain, even if the showers are sometimes so strong you barely see anything but trails of water.

One on one, this is a battle to death; you want to crush Rin once again, to outsmart him, to prove him that you're better than him. You might not be _the best_ , but you think you have reached the level when you're one of them. You can play like Noel Noa, you can play like Bachira too — the ball flies exactly where you want, and when it doesn't, you provoke your luck yourself. You have the formula to beat Rin, and he has the one to beat you, and you constantly try to escape the other's predictions. This is what you like the most: this exhilaration, the fire in your lungs as each breath becomes more difficult, the twinges in your legs, almost feeling like chains trying to tie you to the ground. Each time, though, you break free; each time, you push your limits back, in an attempt to win.

Soccer has always been your one and true love. Rin is the second choice. But you like the smile he has when you play with him. Back in Blue Lock, his face was blank and focused, but now he shows emotions. Something akin to happiness. You wonder if your face does the same.

After he scores a goal, he says, "Let's stop there". He wants to stop now so that the last goal can be his, plus you've been playing for more than nineteen minutes already and you need to rest. You nod, and you both start to stretch to relieve the tension in your muscles. As you do, you notice, in the corner of your eye, the boy in _gakuran_ that often stops by after school to watch you two play. Rin doesn't cast a glance in his direction, but you wave at him. He often holds a ball under his arm, and part of you wants to tell him, _drop it, it's not worth it_. But that would be a lie, and another part of you refuses to pretend all the sacrifices you made for the sake of your dream were not worth. If the boy can still dream, then you won't be the one to blow his wishes away.

Instead, you follow Rin's steps, towards another future, towards a home that belong to two people.

  
  


*

  
  


"Rin?"

You call him in the middle of the night, in the room where you both sleep. Since he's usually the first to go to bed, he's the one who gets the futon out of the cupboard, and he sets yours right next to his, as if it was its true place. Sometimes when you go to sleep, a ray of moonlight hits his face. He seems so peaceful while sleeping, a lot younger than his constant poker face makes him look. Time has passed since you have both left Blue Lock, but he's still so young. One year younger than you, and you often feel the weight of this year on your shoulders.

You half-expect him not to reply, but you hear, "Yes?" and you realize he's awake. Now, this is awkward. It's much easier to talk to him when you can look at him in the eye and promise him you will ruin him. Now, you feel the words shiver in your throat, and you're afraid to let them out.

You could ask, _how can I make you happy_. You could ask, _are you really fine with me_. "How long do you plan to stick with me?"

This question is cold like ice. Your voice sounds like a robot's, devoid of any emotion, even though you feel the beat of your heart in the throat — next to all those words that won't come out. He says, "Does it really matter?"

Silently, you nod.

"I don't know, Isagi. I don't really think about tomorrow."

You open your mouth but find nothing to reply. Somehow, you understand something. Time has stopped - for both of you. You progress in a space separated from the rest of the world, sharpening your weapons with no goal in mind. There's no opponent for you outside of this small town and no friend or relative to rely on.

You're both alone, so maybe that's why he stays. "Is it too much to ask you to never leave?" you ask, more curious than anything.

But he seems to take you seriously, as he slowly rises. He grew up to be taller than you, but when you both sit you look at each other in the eye. His stare has softened, and he watches you with a new interest, one he didn't show when he was still in Blue Lock. You think, _weird, how a few years can change a man_ , how the remnants of a broken dream can build a new person that looks like the previous one, but different.

In Rin's case, you'd say a better person.

"It is," he replies, and an unknown weight falls off your shoulders. His answer catches your breath and tires your smile. You lower your head.

"But," he adds, even though younger Rin would have never developed, "it would be a lie if I said I didn't want to stay. For as long as I can."

"Why?"

"You're an interesting guy, Isagi." He doesn't even hesitate. For Rin, your worth is an evidence, but it sure feels weird to hear him say it aloud. "If neither of us can't play professionally, I think it's our best option. To stay together."

He doesn't seem to be willing to say more, so you ask: "Because our styles are similar?"

He nods. "We're compatible. That's what I think."

Compatible. Yes, Itoshi Rin is someone you can devour again and again, someone who will rise again and destroy you back. He's the only one who can keep up with your growth, and you're the only one who can keep up with his. But you think there's more. Another level of feeling he doesn't want to put into words, and neither do you.

But you don't need to ask before you lay down again, closing the distance between the two of you, your chest against his arm and your head in the crook of his neck. When you touch him, his body relaxes. It's an instinctual reaction, and you smile next to his ear when he, very deliberately, put the cover of his futon above you before laying his arm on your hips. This isn't your first night together, but it feels like a new cycle has begun. And your heart shouts, _I love him_.

  
  


*

  
  


He runs in front of you, too far away for you to catch up with him without speeding up. But you keep the pace, because you need to save your stamina for the later part of the run. Your eyes are on his back; you don't care about the landscape at all, and its pretty fields of rice or the lines of flowers you follow. Above you the sky is clear, so blue you can't even look at it without hurting your eyes. The day is wonderful, the setting is far more interesting than anything you saw in your life — yet you'd say Rin is the most beautiful sight.

He races with the splendour of a bird tearing the air apart in its fly, arms balancing around his body like wings. You have always chosen efficiency over beauty, considering the latter would rise from the former, but Rin has never made a choice. Has he realized that he was seeking both? He who sees the whole field, does he see himself as something precious?

You run behind him because there's something enticing in his back. Like a precious jewel you want to pursue, and you're not sure you can afford it yet, you like staying behind because this is not soccer, and you're clear about your feelings but not his.

You lose sight of him when you start to climb the hill — it's not very high but it's enough to distract you from the thoughts of Rin. When you reach the summit, you see him there, waiting for you.

He closes the distance between you and drops a light kiss on your lips. It's soft and quick and it's the first kiss he ever gave you, and his fingers brush your cheek, and his eyes wrap you in a warm gaze.

"You idiot," he says, "run beside me. Or are you still chasing after me?"

Rin wants to know if you think of yourself as an equal. Which you do, at least for soccer. You're not sure about the rest of your life. About the kind of partner you're going to be.

"If it's also what you want," you reply.

And you both go down at the same pace, not forcing yourselves to adjust to the other — it comes naturally, and you know this is what you were looking for this whole time.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
